About me and my approach
Me and my approach to relational and individual healing
I am a salty, direct, and attentive person who fell in love with someone raised in Idaho. My background is in business. Maybe this is why I love working with people who measure their success and are often accomplished in their work, whether they are doctors, dentists, professional athletes, entrepreneurs, military officers, or government employees with security clearances. I have worked with individuals from every continent (except Antarctica!), with different spiritual beliefs, world views, ethnicity, race, and more. Everyone had something in common: they all wanted to feel and be better.
In my free time, I love listening to and watching live music. My scar from that Ramones concert in the late 80s is still visible. Sturgill Simpson bookends the COVID-19 lockdown with both concerts in Duluth, Georgia. I love to travel and enjoy a great meal while connecting with my family. Where would I love to be if not with family? Running anywhere with the family dog, shucking oysters in the Low Country near Charleston, South Carolina, or camping along the South Fork of the Boise River in Featherville, Idaho.
I attended Boise State University and completed my undergraduate degree at George Fox University. My Master of Education in Counselor Education, Clinical Mental Health Counseling, was earned from Augusta University, part of the University System of Georgia. In addition to my graduate program and internship, I have spent thousands of hours training and practicing under supervision. My training is trauma-informed and includes Gottman Method Therapy (GMT) Level 2, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Narrative Therapy. I hold licenses to practice in Idaho and Georgia, and I am registered to provide Telehealth to the residents of South Carolina.
The Science of Connection:
How Gottman Method Therapy Restores Relationships
When a relationship is in distress, it can feel like you are navigating a storm without a compass. High-achieving couples often try to logic their way out of conflict, only to find themselves stuck in the same cycles. The Gottman Method Therapy (GMT) moves beyond traditional talk therapy by utilizing over 40 years of longitudinal research.
The primary goal is to replace negative conflict patterns with positive interactions and repair the emotional foundation of the relationship.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It is based on the Sound Relationship House theory, which outlines the nine essential components of a healthy, resilient partnership. Unlike methods that focus purely on venting, this approach is highly practical, focusing on the specific behaviors that predict either the success or the failure of a relationship.
How It Works: The Three Pillars of Progress
Our work is designed to strengthen the three core areas of your marriage:
Friendship: We rebuild the Love Map of your relationship—deepening your knowledge of each other’s inner worlds, expressing fondness and admiration, and learning to turn toward one another instead of away during the small moments of daily life.
Conflict Management: We don't aim to eliminate conflict, as some degree of disagreement is natural. Instead, we learn to manage it. We identify the Four Horsemen (Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling) and replace them with healthy communication patterns.
Shared Meaning: We move beyond logistics to explore the legacy you are building together. We work to align your values, support each other's life dreams, and create a shared sense of purpose.
Issues the Gottman Method Can Help Treat
Because it is rooted in extensive longitudinal research, the Gottman Method is proven effective for a wide range of relationship challenges, including:
Frequent Conflict and Arguments: Learning how to de-escalate issues that never seem to get resolved.
Emotional Distance: Reversing the roommate phase and restoring the spark and zest you once shared.
Betrayal and Infidelity: A structured, three-phase process (Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment) to heal deep-seated hurts and rebuild trust.
Poor Communication: Moving from defensive, finger-pointing dialogue to clear, respectful, and effective requests.
Pre-marital Preparation: Establishing a resilient foundation before the stressors of life create fractures.
Life Transitions: Navigating the shifts that come with parenting, career changes, or relocating to a new city.
The Process: From Assessment to Action
As your guide, I utilize a thorough assessment process to ensure our work is targeted and efficient:
The Deep-Dive Assessment: You will each complete a comprehensive individual questionnaire. This allows us to identify exactly where your relationship is strong and where it needs renovation.
Active Intervention: In session, I don't simply watch you fight. I intervene in the moment to help you practice new tools, ensuring you leave each session with a clear blueprint for how to interact differently at home.
Consistent Imperfect Practice Creates Results: In between sessions, you and your partner(s) will use these skills in everyday real-life situations, reinforcing the therapy so you can master skills faster, in real-time. As you get close to accomplishing your goals, the session frequency reduces until you are ready for termination.
Maintenance: After ending services, you may identify a skill that needs a little more work. Couples can return for a Maintenance Session to address this single skill without restarting therapy. The maintenance session is for 50 or 80 minutes at an individual session rate.
Healing @ the Root:
How EMDR Facilitates Deep Relational and Individual Recovery
If you find that your emotional reactions to current stress feel bigger than the situation warrants, or if a painful memory from the past continues to trigger a physical sense of panic, you may be experiencing the effects of unprocessed trauma. These stuck memories don't just affect your internal peace; they often manifest as defensiveness, withdrawal, or hyper-vigilance in your relationship.
As a specialist in high-impact restoration, I utilize Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to help adults move past the intrusive echoes of the past and regain a sense of safety in the present.
What is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is a structured, evidence-based psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR focuses less on talking through the event and more on changing how the memory is stored in the brain.
The process uses bilateral stimulation (typically through guided eye movements) to mimic the natural processing that occurs during REM sleep. This assists the brain in reprocessing a traumatic memory so that it can be stored appropriately. You still remember what happened, but it no longer carries the charge that triggers your nervous system to fight, flee, or freeze.
EMDR for Individuals: The Ghost from the Past
For individuals, EMDR is highly effective at treating a wide range of conditions that often stem from adverse experiences. By reprocessing the root event, we can alleviate:
Post-Traumatic Stress (PTSD) & Complex Trauma
Due to a damaging relationship(s) that included Emotional, Physical, or Sexual Abuse
Childhood abuse or abuse suffered as an adult
Anxiety
Distressing Memories
Chronic Feelings of Guilt or Shame
EMDR for Relationships: Clearing the Path for Closeness
In a partnership, trauma is rarely a solo experience. When one or both partners carry stuck memories, those memories often act as a third party in the marriage. EMDR helps couples by:
Reducing Emotional Reactivity: When a partner's comment no longer triggers a trauma response, you can respond with logic and love rather than defensiveness.
Building Relational Safety: As individual triggers subside, it becomes easier to foster the vulnerability required for deep intimacy.
Breaking Transgenerational Patterns: We address the inherited behaviors that may have been passed down through family systems, allowing you to build a new legacy.
Navigating the Storm:
How DBT Restores Individual and Relational Calm
Do you often feel as though your worries are taking over, leaving you stuck in a cycle of fear or a sense of being out of control? When emotions are not managed effectively, they create an internal chaos that can manifest as persistent anxiety or depression. This feeling of being emotionally hijacked is not only terrifying for you; it’s difficult for your partner(s) to remain close to you when the storm is at its peak.
As a solo practitioner, I utilize Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) as part of my approach to help adults understand their intense emotions, accept the current realities of their lives, and actively change the behaviors that are no longer serving them.
What is DBT?
Developed by Marsha Linehan, DBT is a specialized form of evidence-based therapy designed for individuals who experience emotions with high intensity. It is rooted in the dialectical balance between two seemingly opposite concepts:
Acceptance: validating who you are and the challenges you face
Change: learning healthier ways to respond to emotional pain.
While originally designed for complex mental health conditions, DBT has proven exceptionally effective for high-achieving adults navigating:
Post-Traumatic Stress (PTSD)
Anxiety
Emotional Dysregulation
Chronic Relationship Conflict
DBT for Individuals: From Chaos to Control
For the individual, DBT acts as a toolkit for the nervous system. If you find yourself using unhealthy coping mechanisms to numb or control negative feelings, DBT provides a path toward healthier regulation. We work together to move you out of survival mode and into a state where you can observe your feelings without being consumed by them.
DBT for Relationships: Resolving the same old fight
In couples counseling, DBT skills are invaluable. Many relationships hit a gridlock because one or both partners struggle to regulate their emotions during conflict. When you can manage your own internal distress, you can engage with your partner from a place of clarity rather than defensiveness. DBT helps partners:
Validate one another without necessarily agreeing on every detail.
De-escalate arguments before they become destructive.
Communicate needs clearly and effectively.
The Four* Core Skills of DBT
Our work focuses on building proficiency in four* specific areas that serve as the foundation for a stable life and a resilient marriage:
Mindfulness: Learning to be fully present in the moment and observing thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Distress Tolerance: Developing the emotional stamina to get through a crisis without making the situation worse.
Emotion Regulation: Identifying and labeling emotions and learning how to decrease the intensity of those that feel overwhelming.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: Mastering the art of asking for what you need and saying “No” in a way that protects the relationship and your self-respect.
*Relationship Therapy includes Validation and Acceptance: Actively recognizing a partner’s emotions and perspectives as real and meaningful, even during conflict, to foster trust and reduce defensiveness.
Why bother? I can’t change the past. It’s too painful. I’ve hidden it this long…
You’re hesitant for many reasons, or just one.
Whether you are navigating the lasting effects of past experiences or want to break cycles of persistent anxiety, our sessions are paced collaboratively to help you reconnect with a sense of calm and control. I ask you to consider this question: How much longer should you have to wait for healing?
In our work together, we can create great results, such as:
Regulating the Nervous System: Moving out of survival mode and building a sense of internal safety.
Managing Intrusive Symptoms: Addressing nightmares, flashbacks, and the avoidance of triggers that disrupt your daily life.
Restoring Emotional Control: Learning to manage feelings of guilt, shame, or irritability so they no longer create chaos in your relationships.
Building Capacity: Increasing your ability to handle stress and show up authentically in your most important partnerships.
Get started today.
Counseling208, LLC, DBA Susan Barker Therapy, is an inclusive and affirming business. I work with partners and individuals from diverse backgrounds.
Differences include, but are not limited to, internal, external, and worldview diversity.